Let go. Receive. Be open to love. Give more hugs.

Have you ever had a recurring dream that you remember so vividly that you wonder if you had actually lived that moment in a parallel universe? Quite the question, I know. I’ve had two dreams like that, and they always pop up whenever I’m changing trajectory or procrastinating about some life decisions. The flying one is my favourite.

I’ve always been fascinated by dreams, but apart from the odd Google search, I’ve never done much about it. Last week as I was scrolling through a friend’s Instagram, I read a comment that was talking about a dream interpretation workshop. It was meant to be in-person that weekend, but because of the lockdown, had moved it to Zoom.

Here’s the thing, I’m not a fan of Zoom. Dislike, yes. Hate? I wouldn’t go that far. I easily get distracted with whatever my face is doing, conversations never flow, and somehow the silence is more awkward as you all stare intensely at the screen.

You Oughta Know...How Alanis' Lyrics Described My Life.

Yesterday was Christmas Eve. I woke up early and went for a run before sunrise. In my peripheral I could the sun’s glow climbing over Mokoroa that soon painted the sky a bright lemon pastel with splashes of icy blue. I spent the morning at work - which was really just finishing off a few jobs, eating chocolate, and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas as they left one by one. Then I joined the ‘traffic cues’ and headed home. I spent the 15 minute drive home with a big smile, especially knowing that I’ve dodged the supermarket apocalypse unfolding in the parking lots. After a decent afternoon nap, I mowed the lawns, ate the leftover pizza and had an early night. It felt more like a weekend than a Monday.

The Tipping Point Of Fear

Initially I had great resistance going back into Graphic Design - I had convinced myself that I wanted a career change, and this time round, I’m going to have the perfect job. No more office hours, no more stress, and plenty more time for adventures. Truth is, I’m actually pretty good at it. Here’s the thing, I soon realised that if I wanted a career change or my ‘idealistically’ perfect job, I had to decide what I was first willing to let go. Am I willing to be financially unstable, and have little or no income until I figured out how to pursue it? Am I content living at my parents’ home for the next two, five, or ten years? Ten years? That’s scary!