I blinked twice, was I reading it right? The screen said 91% humidity. A fever can play mind tricks on you, particularly when it comes to convincing you that it’s a good idea to wear a sweatshirt, even when it’s almost 100% humidity. I look down at my gym shorts and realised I was embracing both winter and our tropical summer.
The beads of sweat that rolled down my face, back and legs was somehow soothing, yet gross at the same time (for obvious reasons!). I spent a few hours in bed in and out of the blanket, trying to find that sweet spot of sweating but not overheating from a blanket sauna.
What’s triggered this? When I go through a phase of letting go of emotional anxiety, it affects my body in different ways. I get sick. I get super hyper. I crave kumara chips. I stop sleeping through the night. Whatever it is, I accept it and know it too will pass. Getting sick is my body’s way of saying let it go, because what you’re so desperately holding onto is literally making you sick. A bit of self-inception right there.
What’s been on my thoughts lately? There’s this door in Taneatua with the words:
It’s from a collaborative street art by artists Owen Dippie and Tame It. The piece was created as a reminder of what happened in Taneatua and the hurt and trauma it caused. Not just to the residents but to the people of Tuhoe. It’s a beacon for healing - to remember that the past can’t be undone, to choose and use that trauma and their courage, as the catalyst and fuel to positively impact their lives.
To close the door means to forgive, but still keep the lessons. Flip the script - to breathe new life into a story that no longer serves you. To write a new chapter of your choosing (not what was done to you) - because at the end of the day, that isn’t you.
There’s been a switch in my focus, though the words to describe it still escapes me. But the feeling is there - like a small magnet that is slowly growing in size, pulling closer all the different bits and pieces that I need. I can’t see the big picture is yet, but I know it’s there. Instead of me chasing, I’m learning to be patient and let it come to me.
To claim our power doesn’t come in bending people to see our point of view (read ‘to be right’) - it’s finding a common ground despite those differences. Meet people where they are at in life, not where we think they should be and become. That goes for us too.
Keep Your Fears. Share Your Courage is an extract from my second book to be released circa 2019, and the sequel to STUCK - Friends, Lovers & The Obscurity of In Between (May 2017).