The Jiggle In The Middle: Being Honest About What You're Really Holding Onto

I’ve learned that you can reach a certain level of stress where you don’t even realise just how stressed you are, until you take it down a notch. That stress lives in your body, not just in your head. Like that cousin that asked to crash on your couch for a month, and now you’ve decided it’s easier to save up for a bed, just so you can have your living room back.

Stress for me was like that cousin - I allowed it to stay in my life because I thought it was something all creatives go through on their way to finding their zen. That tightrope mania where your only goal is to stay on top of the rope, but in the back of your mind, you can’t help but wonder if the people who made the net below knew what they were doing. Stress is trying to control both the present and the future. Remember that the future changes depending on how we live today, so doesn’t it make sense to focus on the here and now?

Self Love, Motivation, LifeRonna Grace Funtelar17 May 2018jiggleinthemiddle, lettinggo, emotions, lifelessonsComment

Why I'm Moving To Peru

Maybe I’m hoping Peru is my version of people going to India to find themselves.

I do have a return ticket, so technically my eight months away may not ring with the same permanence as a one-way ticket. This I know is true, I would rather go now and find out for sure, than to spend the rest of my life wondering what-if.

Rain has been relentless this weekend, yet somehow I managed to drag myself out of hibernation and socialise. I also finally emptied my storage unit, which really just means that all ‘my stuff’ is now in my parents’ garage. Does it mean that after almost two years, I’ve officially moved back in? Useful things I’ve found in my plastic bins include: Thick and wooly socks, a scarf, two reams of blank A4 paper and the instruction manual to my GoPro Hero4. The real work starts when I start sorting them out - wish me luck!

By the way, have you watched the movie, Call Me By Your Name, from the book by André Aciman? I need to read the book, but what a beautiful story. At the core of the storyline is a love story, though maybe not in the way you would assume it to play out. It didn’t end with a ‘happy ending’ for the lovers, and I would have been disappointed if it did. You see, even though the main character was left rejected and heartbroken, I admired him for being able to talk about how he felt. Ironically, even as a writer, telling someone how I feel about them while they’re still in my life isn’t easy. Talking in front of a large crowd won’t phase me, but each time I stared into their eyes, words escape me.

Self Love, Travel, Relationships, Marriage, LifeRonna Grace Funtelar29 April 2018movingtoperu, lettinggo, thegoodinyouComment

Positive Changes Don't Always Feel Good

In early January I wrote a poem called Summer Rain - the idea literally came to me as a sudden sun shower came out from nowhere. The first verse came quick, but the rest of the poem took over two weeks to write. Or maybe, I was just scared to write with so much honesty.

Who was the poem about? An unrequited love? Not quite. More like someone who was a band aid to the bouts of loneliness I go through. Which isn’t as often, or last as long as the early days. It’s one of the few poems where I had allowed myself to be truly vulnerable, and it takes a lot for me to keep my emotions from spilling over when I perform it.

Oh, Be Brave Little One. Be Brave.

I’m going to set the scene for you…

I’m smiling as I write this. Lunch was a few hours ago, but I feel like my food baby will stick around until tomorrow. I can hear the clanger of cutlery so dinner must be soon, I smell noodles, not sure I want to eat just yet though. So, I write.

It’s a few hours until my 35th birthday, last year I spent the majority of it travelling over the Tasman Sea as I made my way to Melbourne. My book was almost finished, in fact I added another chapter. The truth is that we never really know great sadness, or happiness, until we get there. Then another moment comes along that may surpass it - what seemed like the end of the world (or the giddiest of heights), well, isn’t forever.

I’m trying to live in the moment, for the best moments are now.

Dating, Life, Marriage, Motivation, Relationships, Self LoveRonna Grace Funtelar17 April 2018bebravelittleoneComment

What You Think You Are Seeking Will Not Complete You

Over the weekend, I took a walk in the Whirinaki Forest. Apart from needing to get my dose of nature’s remedy - I also wanted to find a quiet place to have a conversation with myself, to ground and make peace with something I’ve held onto for too long. April is my birthday month after all - I’ll be turning 35, and this one feels light years different than the last. It feels hopeful, the last couple of years seemed like so many things in my life ended, this time feels like I’m finally seeing the big picture.

Two days ago, I was dreaming about an erupting volcano for what felt like a split second before my 5am alarm clock kicked in. It was dark, maybe night time because everything was in silhouette, it also took me awhile to realise that in front of me was an erupting volcano. I could see the lava flow from the crater, but not close enough to feel the heat. I watched my head begin to turn away before the shriek of my alarm woke me up.

Life, Motivation, Self Love, Relationships, DatingRonna Grace Funtelar5 April 2018situationship, datingComment

Love Is The Tool To Remind Us Of Who We Are

The last two days have been surreal - like a switch just flipped and nothing’s really been the same. I’ve learned that life may not always work out the way you want it to, but it can give you magical moments if you let it. Like the way the threat of rain clouds disappeared, while the moon made its way above the stage just as Ed Sheeran began to strum the chords to ‘Thinking Out Loud’. I wasn’t even supposed to be there - but it was one of those take it or leave it moments that the Universe offered up on a plate. Game on Universe, game on.

You see, normally I’m at the gym on Saturday mornings, but two weeks ago, I was tired and decided my body needed a sleep in. I was scrolling through my newsfeed when a friend from high school posted that she had a spare ticket to the Monday night Ed Sheeran show in Auckland. A sold out concert at that.

Life, Motivation, Self Love, TravelRonna Grace Funtelar28 March 2018loveisthetool, selflove, selfworthComment