Let go. Receive. Be open to love. Give more hugs.

Have you ever had a recurring dream that you remember so vividly that you wonder if you had actually lived that moment in a parallel universe? Quite the question, I know. I’ve had two dreams like that, and they always pop up whenever I’m changing trajectory or procrastinating about some life decisions. The flying one is my favourite.

I’ve always been fascinated by dreams, but apart from the odd Google search, I’ve never done much about it. Last week as I was scrolling through a friend’s Instagram, I read a comment that was talking about a dream interpretation workshop. It was meant to be in-person that weekend, but because of the lockdown, had moved it to Zoom.

Here’s the thing, I’m not a fan of Zoom. Dislike, yes. Hate? I wouldn’t go that far. I easily get distracted with whatever my face is doing, conversations never flow, and somehow the silence is more awkward as you all stare intensely at the screen.

The wound is the place where the light enters you

Do you remember the scene in Forrest Gump where he had been running for over three years, hair and beard had grown long and wild, and all of sudden he just stopped in the middle of the road. “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.” Priceless.

And that was it, he turns around and starts running back home.

He reflects, then utters the words that summed up why tramping has become such a big part of my life. “You’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on, and I think that’s what my running was all about.” I stumbled into tramping much like I stumbled into graphic design - I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but my gut was telling me to look for something better than what my logical mind was showing me at the time.

I went speed dating once…actually, twice now.

I went speed dating once...actually, I’ve been twice now. Both in Whakatāne in fact. Seems like this adventurous spirit tends to find its away in other parts of my life these days. Now, speed dating in a small town is not as awkward as you may think, but one thing’s for sure: You will see someone you know, like a friend’s ex-husband or a student’s dad. “You look really familiar, how do I know you?” Three minutes of chit-chat later and turns out he was my neighbour from down the road. How convenient. Unfortunately, he was also my parents’ age.

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, speed dating is pretty simple. It’s a meet and greet event for singles - they try to have equal numbers of men and women in set age groups. I was in the 31-40 bunch. Yay for me. Each ‘date’ lasts between 3-5 minutes, you do your best to ask them slightly more meaningful questions beyond their favourite fruit, and if you’re lucky, maybe spark a connection. When time’s up you decide if you want to see them again or do like Beyonce…you know, to the left, to the left.

Feel The Fear, And Do It Anyway

Four years ago, a week after I separated from my ex-husband, I sat down and had a cuppa with my friend Steph. It was one of the last times I sat on the couch in my old house, and before she left, she gave me a big bear hug. The kind of hug that holds you until they’re sure you’re ready to let go.

I’ve spent the last four years in a constant state of transition. Healing. Learning. Growing. Actually, a hell of a lot of growing. So much so that I feel like my brain needs a de-frag to make sense of how much I’ve changed.

Before I dive right into you

I had brunch with a guy on Sunday, and what was meant to be just a breakfast sandwich turned into a four conversation. And pizza. Oh and juice - who knew mango and basil is a great combination, right? Really refreshing.

He sat at a table in the shade, there was no one else at the cafe so he was easy to spot. His dimples were unmistakable too, I liked it when he smiled. It can be a bit awkward meeting someone for the first time, and I found myself talking faster than usual. When I realised this, I took a deep breathe and relaxed, and that’s when conversation flowed.

There’s that word again, flow. Lately it’s been popping up regularly on my social media, in conversations with people and sometimes, even at 3am when I’m bed. It asks me to look at my life in a way I’ve never seen it before. So, what does it mean to go with the flow?

It starts with walking in my truth, hand-in-hand with the weird part of me that kind of hides away in the corner in social situations. Especially in Peru - where I’m both free to be who I am, yet still feeling my way through an introverted culture. There are times when I feel too loud, too energetic - sometimes even too independent.

Ciao 2018! Thanks for the lessons on life and men who love pizza

Choices and making them isn’t something I paid much attention to. A lot of the time I’ve just winged it and in some ways it’s served me well. I mean it got me as far as Peru, right? Then this big shift happened and it changed the way I saw myself and everything that was around me. What if my future isn’t something that happens on the other side of sleep, because that “future” is happening right now.

We’ve heard it all before, and it answers to different names. Someday, one day, could have, should have...even tomorrow. A lot of 2018 for me was spent in retrospect about the last two years, and how I was convinced that I “had to heal myself” to move on. Then I realised that each time I chose to do things that made me happy, to love myself more, it was greatly influencing the life I was creating for myself. When you let go of judgement (both of yourself and others) it asks you address the last emotional triggers that keep you from flying.