These days, this is a rare photo of my body.
Two days ago I lost my voice. Not metaphorically...actually. In the morning my voice became a whisper, then it was gone. It’s been over a week and I’m only just coming right. I've began to appreciate just how much my body does for me, and I should give it more love than I do. We give so much power to our negative thoughts which then makes it easy to be critical of ourselves and somehow not feeling good enough.
You see, while I was in bed sick, I was stuck with my thoughts. We hung out while I binged on Netflix, in between naps and blowing my nose. My thoughts filled my day while I craved wonton noodle soup or shivering while I drowned in sweat. I must have had more cups of Milo this week than I’ve had in the last couple of years combined.
Instead of hating on my body for being sick, I asked myself what I had been feeding it. Junk food, stress, too much sugar, not enough water, late nights and early starts. Our bodies are incredible machines - as long as we fuel it properly. That goes with what I think about too.
The woman in this photo is smiling, even though she is sometimes self-conscious about her teeth. She stands tall (OK, I see the irony in that statement) and doesn’t feel that she needs to suck in her tummy to look good. I have to be happy with the body I have today, not the one I wish I had. Letting go of self-criticism shifts that energy to making healthier life choices, and doing more of what you love, not what you are afraid of any perceive shortcomings.
People are afraid to let go of things, unhealthy relationships and thoughts for fear of missing out. Missing out on what? Talking to people who don’t value your presence? Relationships that make you feel heavy or less worthy? Selling yourself short because you don’t feel deserving or good enough? Having lots of ‘stuff’ doesn’t mean we are living better lives or more successful, in fact it can be the opposite. It can choke us. Dragging around that baggage because it’s always been there.
I’ve had a storage unit for over a year, and I barely go there. That means that most of what’s in there I don’t actually need in my life. It exists, but doesn’t add that much value to my life.
There’s a lot I’m questioning about myself and I’m not totally sure where it’s going yet. I’m convinced though that it’s long overdue and definitely a good thing. Losing my voice was a blessing in disguise - it allowed me to call a truce with myself. To be grateful that I’m still here. To start over.
Tomorrow I’m going to wake up to this body, but my thoughts will be different. A change is gonna come, watch this space!
Peace, love and chocolate