I’ve been talking about travelling again with...well everybody. Travel doesn’t always have to be in some far off country where they don’t speak English, but for me, that’s where I’ve grown the most. Solo travel, especially as a woman can seem daunting, yet for me, I’ve always found there’s never the right destination or the right time with my circle of friends. So I have gone alone, time and time again.
For the last few Mondays I’ve sat in meditation class, it felt like I was teetering on the edge of the cliff. There’s a few decisions in life that are on hold - and as I look down into the abyss I think about what is on the other side. Not talking about death, quite the opposite actually. I often think about what life will be like when I take that leap of faith? Be greater than the fear of falling. Than failing. Than being hurt. Than mistakes and judgement. Oh the judgement!
All this may sound like empty bravado, and yeah, there have been days I’ve put on that mask. We all have at some stage. That perceived responsibility of what others need us to be in our lives so that it fits into what they need in theirs. Doesn’t that just tire you out thinking about it? Yet we do it, time and time again. I certainly do!
The guidance card I picked out last night was clarity - I mean I couldn’t interpret it any other way. I asked if I should travel next year, and guess which card I picked out face down? St Christopher, the patron saint of travelers and children.
You see spirituality for me is as much about my relationship with myself, as it is learning about the Universe. When we don’t trust ourselves, we seek external validation for our decisions, and all that good / bad vibe gets confusing. By having self-love, I began to see situations for what they are, not what I hope for them to be. That doesn’t mean I won’t be tempted or try to change it, I’m only human. Most of the time, I accept it, forgive it and move on to better things. Yes, we have that choice.
I’ve been in the studio or teaching pretty much six days a week for the last fortnight. Some people have relationships with humans, I have one with work and dance right now. Pretty exclusive, sorry guys.
There have been some feedback from the book already, many already curious about how my next year will look like. Where will I go? What adventures will they get to read about? My next move comes from a place of trust - I’m trusting that I’m exactly where I need to be, and I’m going to be open to where life takes me next. I wish I could give you some juicy or definite details, but it’s also cool to feel like a tourist in my life. Isn’t that why tourists explore more than locals usually do? They look at a destination with endless curiosity, and that’s what I want my life to become...endless curiosity for me.
What would be possible if I completely trusted myself? Where would I wake up in a year from now? Some days I’ve been so consumed by existing I forget what it’s like to have a day with no appointments, task lists, or places to be. When I didn’t have my phone those few hours in the morning of the book launch, it was amazing. Why can’t I give myself that freedom? Who needs to get hold of me on a Sunday morning that couldn’t wait a few hours? Ask yourself, is what you are waking up to everyday your design, or a whole heap of perceived responsibilities that distract you from living the life you want?
I’m a workaholic, I really am. That’s different to working hard. Often when I’m at my busiest, it’s not just a consequence of my schedule. There’s usually a decision I don’t want to make. Or feelings I don’t want to feel. Some people drink. Some smoke cigarettes. I do neither, so I work - that’s my coping mechanism and it’s just as unhealthy.
Here’s a bit of shortyism for you that I learned in meditation class. We are all mirrors, and what we see in others, good or bad is a reflection of ourselves. Let go of the judgement. Do what makes you happy. Love yourself a bit more each day. Share that happiness with someone, or cherish it in a moment of stillness.
What you see in others is a reflection of you, be greater than the fear of feeling not good enough - choose to see that you are someone worthy.