Ah the perils of great expectations. When I meet a guy, I go on a few dates, get to know them just enough to decide if I want to dig deeper. That’s about the third date for me. I decide if there are some clear deal breakers or alarm bells early on - let’s be real, if that person you are dating doesn’t put in some decent effort to get to know you in the beginning, walk away. It’s not you, it’s them.
I have also realised that with these dates, enjoying the idea of them liking me isn’t the same as actually liking that person. I mean, sure, it’s an ego boost to know someone is thinking of me. Developing that almost ninja instinct to pick up your phone just before they text. Or is that just because you’re checking your phone every ten seconds hoping to hear from them?
Cute, right? Not really.
With online dating and apps becoming just another way to ‘meet’ that special someone (or a cuddle buddy), it’s so easy to become keyboard lovers. The Casanova Charmers who hook you in with their sweet nothings that turns out were a cut and paste from Google’s greatest hits. I’ve talked to plenty of those. They want to impress you online, but will never arrange to meet you in real life.
Here’s the most frustrating part - people often forget that these sites and apps are just tools to meet actual people. On the other side of that screen is a real person. If I talked to a date like most keyboard lovers have, it would make for a whole lot of awkward.
I had a lightbulb moment this morning - when you realise that you like that person and begin to play a fantasy in your head about how you ‘wish’ they fitted into your life, that’s when you need to stop...and breathe. You notice they don’t text or call you as much, and you start getting worried. It drives you CRAZY. What did I do wrong? Maybe their phone broke. Maybe they’re in hospital and they forgot their charger so they’re conserving battery life.
Or maybe, they’re just not that into you. Ouch.
When we ‘like’ someone, plenty of common sense goes out the window. You start changing yourself to what you think they would like, when really, there must be something cool about you for them to ask you out, right? It’s a big ego stroke when that date tells you that you’re beautiful, or that you have a great personality. I get it, because I’ve been there. I’m going through it. Then I realised, if I didn’t already like this person, would I put up with that behaviour in the first place?
Yeah, you know, the one worded text replies. Asking you out for dinner for the next day at 11pm. You find yourself always texting first - and when they do reply, you cling on to that hope, that maybe, they do like you, they’re just busy.
Then I found myself watching a Matthew Hussey video, and he was talking about ‘breadcrumbing’. Now, you’ve heard of ghosting, right? When you go on a few dates, then all of sudden they fall off the face of the Earth never to be heard from again? Cue tumbleweeds…
Breadcrumbing is when you’re dating someone, and they might only contact you once in awhile to keep you interested. What sucks about it is that when you do hear from them, it occupies your thoughts not just for that day, but maybe that week, clinging to hope, and maybe even stop you from dating other people.
Next time you’re ‘really’ into someone, and haven’t heard from them for a few days and itching to send them a text...STOP. Go for a walk. Bake some cookies. Hang out with your friends. Still itching? Turn off your phone. Watch a movie. The point of this is, if they are into you, they will text or call because they want to see you.
Don’t put your life on hold for someone who doesn’t want to invest their time in you. If you’re not a priority in their thoughts, don’t allow them to burden yours.