It's OK Not To Have All The Answers In Your 30s

Photo by John Morin  |  Location: Mt Maunganui, New Zealand

The truth is that whatever you do in life, not everyone will understand your motivations behind it. I mean why should they? It’s your life, not theirs. More likely than not they will come and go, never really getting the full picture. Those that stay - these are the ones that will walk with you and it’s them that will want to listen to your story.

Whenever the subject of my relationship status comes up, I used to find myself triggered into an awkward dialogue cycle where I seem to come off like I’m avoiding the subject. To be honest it’s not something I’m too concerned about - yet I realised it was my approach that made it seem that way. Instead of just addressing the question, I would spend most of the time trying to convince the other person that it was no big deal and so the opposite happens. They feel bad, I get super awkward about it, and it becomes a bigger saga than it needs be.

“Often people put their energy into convincing themselves that everything about their life is lacking, to the point where you just feel empty. When you learn to like who you are, you do what you love. I don’t feel the need to be better than someone else, I know that being the best of who I am today is what feeds my soul.”

OK, so here’s what I’ve learned - those conversations are a lot like a movie. You go to see a movie, most people come at the beginning, but there are those who may come in late and miss part of the narrative. That doesn’t mean the whole theatre has to stop what they’re doing and start the movie over. They watch the rest of the movie and the ones who were late do their best to make sense of the storyline and fill in the parts they missed.

If you want to be happy right now and in the future, stop reliving
your past mistakes.

Try to work towards a healing resolution, just commit to living life in the present - not one that isn’t there anymore. When your collective energy is focussed on doing things and being with people that make you happy, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be OK. Not just OK, you will probably be kick ass if you’re not already.

There are days when I look at myself in the mirror and think I really should dress more like
an adult. Adult meaning responsible, right?

I see other women walking down the street and check out their style - they’ve really got it together. Then look down at my tights, sneakers and laugh. Whatever your sense of style is, own it, because chances are there’s someone else who wishes it was theirs. My take on it is, stop comparing yourself to others because you will fight a losing battle with your ego.

Ah procrastination my old friend, just make a decision and because there will never be a perfect time.

Think about it, I doubt I could have reached this phase in my life without at least accumulating some useful wisdom along the way, right? I was never the kind of person that obsessed over lists of lists, but I still got the job done. Some people are just late bloomers - once you’ve made a decision, you can figure out the finer details along the way.

Do make time to have fun, because always
putting yourself last just makes you cranky
and resentful.

Leave room in your schedule for spontaneous adventures - like gelatos by the beachside or my personal favourite, riding a donkey on the way to an epic festival. The possibilities are endless! It can even be little moments of rest, quiet and quality alone time. Do something just for YOU, because you value your time, others will too.

What I’ve grown to understand (and love!)
is that by judging myself and comparing myself to others just sets me up for disappointment...
BIG TIME.

I embrace what I’m good at, what needs work and to give things a go. Whatever it is that you are doing in your 30s (or beyond), own it, be fabulous and laugh lots. Like that time I painted the walls of the dance studio - my finishing isn’t amazing, but I gave it a go. It’s amazing how much you can teach yourself in YouTube tutorials. I mean, do you think they will one day make a YouTube University?

If you’re like me and find yourself in your 30s and can’t quite master adulting, just breathe. You’re a work in progress, and progress happens when you set the intention of forward motion, whatever that is for you. Mine is to travel, to explore and to be in love with me again. My thirties are going to be my most glorious years yet - I can feel it!