I watched the sunset today
and it was glorious.
There’s a belief that if you look at your schedule, you see what your priorities are. Our lives are the sum of our choices, and I see now that it was never about ‘having enough time’, but choosing to give time to what I value most.
Right now I’m somewhere in the middle of my journey - not at the beginning and nowhere near the end. Sometimes the middle is where we run out of steam because we lose faith in ourselves and the big picture. We get scared. Fear of failing is a bit like a five day old name label at a conference - it’s manky and barely hanging on, yet we keep it there because it’s familiar. We hang onto fear because even though we know it doesn’t serve us, for some, it’s all we know.
I don't think courage is something you have to go anywhere to find or do a specific act. It's already there, just waiting for your acknowledgement. There, in and around you, courage is the focus of forward motion. It’s actually just energy, for everything that exists is energy. It’s neither good or bad until it’s given context. Fear is not the opposite of courage, because they are one and the same - both are defined by action.
The middle is also a place where you may realise that the path you’ve taken no longer serves you. That realisation can stop you in your tracks, where you could feel confused as it questions the very foundations of your journey. I think that happened to me and how I feel about dancing. For the last five years, dancing has been the top three mainstays in my life. I lived and breathe what I thought I was most passionate about.
I love dance, and it will always be in me. Being a dancer is a sense of being which is beyond any label. Just like being a teacher. I feel my life purpose is to be a teacher and connector, whether in dance or beyond. I’ve been blessed and been able to teach dance for almost ten years, and the decision to take a break from it hasn’t been an easy one. It feels like I’ve given all I can, and now it’s time to fill my own cup.
I would joke that anyone who finds themselves in a rut in their thirties needs their own Eat, Pray, Love adventure. Maybe this will be mine. In your twenties you have that natural, youthful curiosity - whereas travel in your thirties comes from knowing that it can evolve us into something greater, and the pursuit of that means we will spend much of our time outside our comfort zone. I’m not saying that you have to suffer to find that purpose either. The endgame is to define, speak and live your truth - not continual suffering.