I love random adventures, and when you open your mind to the idea that happiness doesn’t have to be moulded, that it just is, then you learn to receive it in unexpected ways. How we can sometimes bow to social pressures and our own expectations, and when it doesn’t quite fit our vision, it can seem like a failure. The magic of the unknown is equally exciting as it is frustrating.
Like random adventures, you have to trust in the Universe. I don’t need to mould my happiness, it’s already there.
Last night I went to a meditation and spiritual evening. My Mum has developed this look of concern lately whenever she asks how I am, and it’s the same tone in her voice since the last time I was close to burnout.
I had been once before, fallen asleep, back in those months when I wasn't sleeping through the night. This time I came because my cup was almost empty, and there I knew like-minded people would help me find my way back. And they did.
We have an understanding that we don't talk about what was shared throughout the evening, so I will only share my own experience.
As I closed my eyes for our meditation session, I immediately saw visions of dancers on stage. They had faces I didn't recognise and danced in a lyrical or contemporary style. It was beautifully graceful, their feet light and swift, moving with ease, almost like they didn't touch the ground. The scenes moved from stage to street and back again, I was the only one watching it all unfold.
In our meditation, we also entered a healing room, and it’s up to each of us to ask for what we needed to be healed. The space I walked into could only be describe as a scene from The Matrix, a white room with no walls, but could morph into whatever I asked my mind to envision. All I wanted was a hug, so the angel hugged me, even when I began to pull away, he held me under his wings. He also whispered that I didn’t have to walk through life alone, and all I needed to do was ask for help. I cried in his arms (or wings?). The room disappeared and I came back to a circle of people. I felt at peace, and most of all, loved.
As part of the evening we also learn to enhance our own intuitive abilities by taking a tarot card, face down to see what we can sense. When I closed my eyes I saw a younger version of me skipping on the open road, wearing a summer dress, one hand holding my hat in place, the other carrying a small suitcase. The feeling of freedom was incredible, and even though I didn't know where I was going, I remember the excitement I felt when I travelled in my mid-twenties. When I turned it over my card had a picture of a girl in a summer dress holding balloons and was called “Set It Free”.
There’s been a lot of procrastination with my life choices, and with summer just around the corner, I’m back in the gym this week. I walked into the studio this week and asked myself, “How do I want to feel when I walk through these doors?” Will sacrifice a few sunshine hours to do what needs to be done.
Lastly, my house is very slowly emptying. Each plastic box I pack into the car gives me hope, when before it made me sad and angry. The magic of the unknown is also about trust - trust in the Universe’s big plan, and most of all in myself. I see that I have it in me to survive, now I just need to make plans to help me thrive. And live, best of all to LIVE!