How long before a dog realises that they’re not coming home? She had a goofy smile on her face as the car drove away, and it took all I had not to cry in front of her. I was naive to think it would be easier than this. I’m glad it was raining, because I was sitting in parking lot...bawling my eyes out. I don’t normally allow myself to be that openly emotional. That level of vulnerability is rare for me.
I realised that she was really gone...and it hurt so bad.
Read MoreMy friend Steph and I don’t see each other very often, in fact, it may have been a year since we last had lunch together. She was in town for a few weeks and as her time is always in demand, having her to myself for a whole hour is precious indeed. There’s a lot about her journey that walked through the same pot holes of uncertainty that I did, and having learned of her story before my own unfolded kept me hopeful that I too would come out the other side wiser and more resilient.
Whenever I say that there’s a big part of me that’s an introvert, people usually react in disbelief. How can someone who has lead such a public life in the performing arts be an introvert? Surely that confidence is in all aspects of my life, and my persona on stage is just an extension of that? Steph has heard this so often that she’s lost count. To her, that persona or “game face” as she called it, is the medium to deliver her message. Her personal life, the one where she is far more guarded, is reserved for her closest friends and family.
Read MoreI wrote down some long-held goals last night. Like anything, when you hear an idea verbalised or written in front of you, it gives it life. Maybe a soul even? It’s no longer this thing that just floats around in your head, you consciously drive energy towards it. I may not part seas like Moses, but I know I’m going to live the best life for me.
Oh boy, I felt an incredible shift in energy and for the first time I could see how that seed can grow. Isn’t that one of the hardest things to do, get started? I asked myself if I was taking steps to move towards those goals, and the answer didn’t surprise me at all...sorta. Sorta is this word that tells you that you have one foot in and the other is ready to bolt when it gets too hard. It’s that word that means you haven’t let go completely.
Read MoreTime goes so fast, right? I still can’t believe I’m writing this in my thirties. Thirties! I look in the mirror every day and I swear this face doesn’t age the way my bones have. Oh I miss that youthful energy, enjoy that girlfriend, and don’t take it for granted. Before you get to meet me, you’re going to live through some of the best highlights and most profound lessons we need to learn together. Are you ready?
Read MoreThere’s a line from one of poems which says, “My feet anchor me in the disconnect between two worlds: One, the motherland that gave me life, and the other that brought me love.” Even though I talked about falling in love when I wrote that line, now it has a different meaning. In fact, what I think about isn’t necessarily romantic love - it’s about love and belonging. Love and belonging, where what you seek and the answer is the same thing.
My dog has taught me a lot about the sense of belonging - after all dogs are pack animals, they need a leader, and as much as I loved her, I wasn’t always a great alpha for her. There were times I was uncertain of myself that she felt she had to take over and lead me out of that place of misery. She always gave me unconditional love, even more love than I gave myself.
Read MoreI’ve learned that you can reach a certain level of stress where you don’t even realise just how stressed you are, until you take it down a notch. That stress lives in your body, not just in your head. Like that cousin that asked to crash on your couch for a month, and now you’ve decided it’s easier to save up for a bed, just so you can have your living room back.
Stress for me was like that cousin - I allowed it to stay in my life because I thought it was something all creatives go through on their way to finding their zen. That tightrope mania where your only goal is to stay on top of the rope, but in the back of your mind, you can’t help but wonder if the people who made the net below knew what they were doing. Stress is trying to control both the present and the future. Remember that the future changes depending on how we live today, so doesn’t it make sense to focus on the here and now?
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