“Let them past, they’re pretty much naked.” No dear, we leave the nudity to the nudists camp up the road.
Burning out is a really scary place for me, it's happened about two other times in my life and it took a lot of time, reflection, and self love to bring me back to equilibrium. It was an internal battle that most people around me didn't know about, and when it happened the second time, at least I knew for certain, I could find my way back.
The physical symptoms are easy to describe: Fatigue, lack of appetite, short temper etc. It's the feeling of apathy that is hardest for me. When you're tired, you can sleep. When you're moody, you can meditate or just be alone for awhile. But when I have that feeling of apathy, it's this emptiness, this lack of the taste for life, which is the extreme end of who I am on a daily basis.
The last month has been particularly busy in my life, my husband, with work, dance, the business, raising nine puppies and our dog, JC. Being so caught up in "doing" I was so emotionally stretched that at the end of the day, I had nothing left. I would wake up with a half empty tank that would grind on during the day.
Sometimes I think filling my life with all my "doings" is a way to plug up an unresolved loneliness. A place in my subconscious that is screaming for help, that is yearning for love, but I have drowned it out with my busy life. I know a few people like me, and I see the pain. I see it because I recognise it.
Please understand that I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for my husband, my family, my work, my business, and dancing. I have a huge gratitude list, yet I still haven't found what I'm looking for (cue U2...)
I think somehow my feeling of "apathy" is my spirit's way of saying, "Slow down, wait, and take a deep breath." It washes me of the feeling of emotional responsibility, to let go of whatever I am burdened with, and bring me back to equilibrium. In my place of apathy there's no need to put on a mask, to pretend, I am just me. Then when I am ready, it slowly brings me back to the "real" world.
Have you ever felt "burned out", or come close. Share your story in the comments, or send me a message, I would love to connect.
Much love and hugs