inner beauty

# 29 Rainy Days and Wednesdays

"Raindrops kissed me, first tenderly, then smothered me. I could have hated it, but I stopped myself. It was only saying hello, when all I wanted was to say goodbye." - fivefootronna

"Raindrops kissed me, first tenderly, then smothered me. I could have hated it, but I stopped myself. It was only saying hello, when all I wanted was to say goodbye." - fivefootronna

Rain is beautiful. Except when it soaks your favourite suede shoes.

Today I want to write about happiness, more so about understanding the state of being happy and opening your mind to experiencing it without limitations. I’ve been thinking about what I don’t want, now I’m ready to ask and receive what I do want. That’s a really choice place to be!

Two days ago I wrote this in my diary…

“Today, I feel incredibly lonely.”
— Excerpt from "Sh#t, It Hurts" Journal by fivefootronna

That was the only entry. Looking back on it, it made me sad, but it also gave me hope. Being sad, is ok, there are days I do feel lonely and that no one understands. Or I don’t have the energy to explain and I want to be left alone. Then I get over it. I look forward to those days the most. Days when I give myself permission for some down time, eat Doritos and write.

How To Be Happy

I would love to tell you that there’s a magic formula to being happy - the idealist in me would want to bottle it and pour it into the public drinking waterways. Would that still count as medicating the masses? I don’t know, but it would certainly make morning commute in cities less stressful.

So, how do you enjoy a state of happiness most of the time? What I’ve learned is to do things that DO MAKE YOU HAPPY, then take away the expectation and pressure that it should make you happy or to fill the void loneliness creates. When we take away that expectation, it opens up our mind to experience different ways to receive love.

Ask yourself this… “What makes me happy?”

I used to have a LONG list of things I have and do. In a span of two weeks my life became condensed into one room, and EVERYTHING I needed was there. Well, except for my dog, I’m working on that though. You see, it’s human nature to always want more, to have more. Now I see that it was clutter that distracted me from being me. What makes me happy? LIFE. And its endless potential. I wake up and know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. I wake up feeling unconditional love. I am happy because I am living. That is my state of happiness.

Yeah, But…

I was talking to a guy about how he felt ‘lost’ in life. After two years, he felt stuck and unable to let go of his old life, even though he knew he had to. He missed his ‘soul mate’ and desperately wished there as a magic eraser to take him back before it all changed. There was still plenty of guilt, isolation and loneliness. There was no moving on, no hope.

As he shared a condensed version of what lead up to this ‘defining’ moment in his life, in two years there was no closure, no forgiveness, no letting go. That burden of heavy baggage clung onto him like a life raft. It was his crutch. And it made me sad.

Every time I suggested ways he could try to improve his situation, his answer always started with “Yeah, but…” which told me immediately that he wasn’t ready. There was no forgiveness, and without that there is no healing. Letting go is hard, but it will eat you up if you don’t.

All My Bags Are Packed

I’m off on a mini-getaway to Auckland for three nights. I am notorious for getting lost, all my dance students know it. But you just never know where being lost takes you, that could be the start of a great adventure! I can’t wait to see friends, dance and eat incredibly tasty food.

Best of all, I am finally moving on.

Ronna Funtelar Thacker is a writer, foodie and dance studio owner.
A self-confessed eternal optimist and lover of crispy M&Ms, she shares her adventures and life learnings to connect, inspire and nurture self-love.