Someday, the nomad taking refuge in pages unwritten
“Someday lives in my head, a nomad taking refuge in pages unwritten. If someday was a dandelion wish blowing in the wind, where would I land? Would you find me far from home or in the comfort of my shadows? Would my knees catch me in my leap of faith or buckle in the burden of my dreams?”
Change, no matter how much we fight the push and pull of circumstance, there will always be an element of resistance towards the unknown. They say it’s not the change we fear, but the speed our bodies are expected to pivot when it slaps us in the face. I’ve been through this before - every five years my life comes to a fork in the road, taking my life in unexpected trajectories.
It’s been two months since the tall fella and I bought a house - two adults who’ve become extremely comfortable in their own space (and way of doing things) moving in together is quite the adjustment. Parts of me have come to light that really surprised me: 1) I didn’t realise how much I liked keeping the kitchen bench clean, 2) cooking dinner while the fire’s roaring in the living room and 3) the realisation that my often busy schedule is a choice and it's ok to make time to do nothing. Unfortunately, I have yet to successfully light the fire without a fire starter this winter, so that job has usually fallen to the tall fella when he comes home. Oh and I’ve fully embraced my Filipino-ness and proudly wear my pink tsinelas (house slippers) that my Mum bought from the Philippines a few years ago.
There are now three house plants inside and one giant pot outside. About the same amount of cooking pots reign in the kitchen. Recently, I’ve become the proud owner of a reciprocating saw, after declaring war on the 30 yucca trees on our property. I know what you’re thinking, they’re hard buggers to kill, Ronna. Don’t worry, we’re playing the long game here fams. Our little veggie garden is still dwarfed by the cricket ground that is our massive backyard. We're hoping to slowly turn half of it into a food forest with native trees thrown in the mix.
As I bask in the great feat of becoming a homeowner again in my forties, I know that my relationship with money is still the niggly tooth that I need to work on. During the times when I feel my most anxious, I think about the woman who came back to New Zealand at the end of 2019. I gave myself five years to figure out what the next chapter would look like, got a job and kept things ticking along. I knew I wanted to buy a house, but on my own and with my depleted savings, it felt like crawling on scoria up a steep mountain. Little did we know that in four months we’d collide head on with a global pandemic.
As John Lennon once wisely put it, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.”
So I stopped making plans and put it in my ‘someday’ basket. I wanted to find out just how badly I wanted it and how hard I was willing to work at it to make ‘someday’ become something I woke up to. It took five years, but here we are.
Most importantly, I'm trying to be kinder on myself. It's taken five years to come down from the high from that year in Perú. I’m learning to be proud of the big wins and cherish the small ones too.
As for this next chapter, I’m sure the tall fella will help me write a few more pages together.
fivefootronna is Ronna Grace Funtelar is a graphic designer, weekend adventurer and writer. She’s a woman with a curious mind who lives for hiking mountains, outdoor adventures and finding epic places to eat cheese.