# 57 A Wedding In The Vines

It’s been almost a year of retrospective reflection, and I’m sort of over it.

Emotional release can manifest itself in weird ways - on the day the house settled, instead of celebrating, I was flat out on the floor with stomach pains. It felt like a combination of aching muscles and def con five period cramps. If you’re a male and obviously have no idea what period cramps feel like - just think bad food poisoning queasiness, someone trying to pump you up like an air mattress and an MMA fighter trying to perform a submission on your reproductive bits. Yes all at the same time, because you know, women love to multi-task.

It took me four days to fully recover.

Where am I at these days? This weekend I went to a family friend’s wedding out of town. Strictly formal. Ironically it’s also the day before what would have been my sixth wedding anniversary - well if I was still married of course! A few weeks ago I was feeling apprehensive about it, but then I also realised it’s a good way for me to create happier memories instead of being sad around that time of year.

It seems single women are quite savage when it comes to fruit! I didn’t win, putting it down to my lack of experience having to compete for a guy’s banana.
— fivefootronna


As I sat down at my table for the reception, my apprehension soon faded as we began to introduce ourselves. The table was from the bride’s family - an aunt, cousins and her brother. Great banter soon flowed as we talked about life in New Zealand, my accent and what we were going to have for each course.

When it came to the traditional garter and bouquet toss - well it wasn’t at all traditional. The bachelors had to dance and the groom even did a cameo Gangnam Style lesson for the rhythmically-shy men. The single women however, yes including me, danced around the eligible bachelor and fight for a banana between his knees. That poor banana. It seems single women are quite savage when it comes to fruit! I didn’t win, putting it down to my lack of experience having to compete for a guy’s banana.

Did I meet anyone? Actually I met lots of people - but you’re asking romantically, right? Sure, I met someone cute and we got on really well. Nothing really came from it, but it was just nice to meet new people.

I’m currently at a cross-roads and ask myself where I want to be a year from now. What can I do today that takes me closer to designing the life I love? How do I change my thinking to discard my limiting beliefs that measure my success based on such narrow terms? Many of us are already leading incredible lives, yet we force, yes force, maybe even torture ourselves, because we have been conditioned to think that winning has finite possibilities.

If I didn’t apply my limiting beliefs today - what can I do? The Universe listens, you just have to be clear when you ask. In the past I’ve felt like I was building up my karma savings plan or something, then BOOM, use it in one magical moment. Yet we all know karma doesn’t work like that. We don’t measure the good we do in the world like it’s a commodity - not being a jerk should be on everyone’s CV.

I have been guilty of measuring my wins based on what I have experienced before. Trying to walk one path because it’s safe, or it’s what we think works, takes away the magic of discovering a better way of winning.

The wedding was beautiful, and the company was great. I had a wonderful time just being myself, and not having to explain my backstory kept my spirits up. We choose our experiences based on our attitudes, and being single in your thirties doesn’t have to be this depressing phase in your life.

Both the bride and groom were married previously, and they didn’t let it shy away from love. In fact, they have learned from their past and it has made them appreciate each other even more. Love, the second time around can be just as fulfilling, eloquent, and soul-enriching.

I’m now quite happily single, and have learned to value myself and what I bring to this world. To give my love to a man in the future isn’t to fill a part of me that is missing, but simply to enhance what is already whole. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armour - I don’t need saving, and neither will he. Oh but I do hope he’s tall enough to reach the top shelf at the supermarket.

Another milestone ticked off - I’ve survived my first wedding as a single woman in my thirties. I reckon I rocked it as my parents’ plus one! My life has changed so much from a year ago and that’s OK because change means growth. Growth means I’m not stuck, it’s my impatience that makes me feel like I am!

P.S. My March Comfort Zone challenge is to meet men the old fashioned way! That means that for at least this month I can't set up dates - I will leave that to my friends, workmates and family. I trust that I have a great circle and they wouldn't set me up with horrible people! All are blind dates too. Haha. Scary I know, but hey, I haven't had much luck on my own, so why not try something different? It's almost part way through the month and still haven't been on any dates, so will keep you posted if I do.

Ronna Grace Funtelar

A thirtyish storyteller, hobby hiker, photography and sunrise enthusiast with a passion for mindfully helping others live beyond their comfort zone.