Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.

Albert Einstein

I don’t remember my first day of school, but I still have memories of being in Ms Nagit’s class. She must have been in her early thirties (adults all look older when you’re a kid, right?), usually dressed in a corporate two piece with heels that would echo as she paced the classroom. Ms Nagit was my last teacher in the Philippines before we moved to New Zealand and it wasn’t until I started teaching dance and TEFL that I realised how much of a profound influence being in her class had on my internal tapes.

My sister and I went to Dominican School, a private Catholic school in Manila. A quick Google tells me the uniform hasn’t changed much since we went there in the eighties - it always reminded me of something out of the Sailor Moon cartoon I watched as a kid. Even though I did enjoy going to school, based on the Philippine education standard I was at best, pretty average. On the other hand, my older sister Khristina was almost always at the top of her class.

There’s only 18 months between us, but because of her grades, was actually two years ahead of me in school. As a kid who struggled in the traditional education system, I resented being constantly compared to her. “Are you sure she’s your sister? Look at your grades,” was something I heard often enough. She was clearly a favourite and the teachers didn’t even try to hide it. It wasn’t her fault that the educational system played to her natural strengths, something that took until a few weeks ago to recognise.

My team at work did a ClifftonStrengths workshop recently and to be honest, I haven’t stopped talking about it since. Like, the more we unpacked in the workshop, the more my frustrations as a kid made sense. What is ClifftonStrengths you ask? It’s a questionnaire (like 174 questions massive) that helps identify your natural strengths that ultimately shapes your view of the world.

Here are my top five: Relator, learner, activator, individualisation and command. I bet my sister has learner and focus in her top five. Not only is she a sponge when it comes to academic education and languages, she once told me that she would study forever if she didn’t already have a chunky student loan to pay back. Me on the other hand will follow my curiosity and learn as I go. I ask questions, I give it a go, I make mistakes until eventually it all begins to make sense.

I see now that having relator and individualisation as my strengths made me love teaching so much. Carly Shorter (our facilitator) described relators as an island - it takes time and effort to earn their trust to be invited onto the island. Relators thrive in working with close friends, but it doesn’t mean they necessarily shy away from meeting new people either. They want to understand your feelings, your dreams, your fears and in turn, want you to understand theirs.

In the five years I had the dance studio, Cassandra stayed the longest. She was 14 when she joined my first dance crew. I watched her grow into a young woman and eventually our relationship evolved from being her teacher to becoming her mentor and friend. I hadn’t seen her for a few months as she was studying out of town, so it was great to run into her at the pub a week ago. Of course we talked about dance, about life and everything in between. I gave her a big hug before she joined her group of friends. She’s the closest I’ve come to knowing why mother’s become so fiercely protective of their children. I will always have a place for her on my island.

A year after I opened the studio, I met Cole and Seth, identical twin boys who joined one of my dance crews when they were just 10 years old. They were shorter than me when they started and now they’re over six feet tall, crickey! It took me a few weeks until I could confidently tell them apart - I studied their facial expressions, subtle mannerisms, and even the way they laughed. It was absolutely fascinating how on paper they were so similar, yet given time, you begin to see how differently they looked at the world, their unique qualities and how truly individual they were. 

Seth was more extroverted, usually cracking jokes and always spoke with great animation. Cole was a workhorse, he was consistent and calm in a storm. I met up with them again at their mum’s 50th birthday - nothing like Bruno Mars to light up the dancefloor. 

How does Ms Nagit fit into this narrative? For years I resented the fact that in my culture, being average academically wasn’t enough. That one belief had so much hold on me that it shaped my self-worth well into adulthood. I painted her as the villain in my story, even though she was mostly just a cog in a wonky wheel.

What was my biggest takeaway from the workshop? People don’t live in my head, so to own my awesome and make the most of my strengths, I have to learn how to communicate my needs. That will take time. Just like it took time to stop blaming Ms Nagit for one of my childhood’s biggest hang-ups. My island’s all good, it just needed a bit of a zhuzh.

fivefootronna is Ronna Grace Funtelar - a thirtyish adventurer, sometimes poet and lover of cheese. She has a unique brand of optimism that is a combination of her great enthusiasm for life and cups of coffee during the day.