I went speed dating once...actually, I’ve been twice now. Both in Whakatāne in fact. Seems like this adventurous spirit tends to find its away in other parts of my life these days. Now, speed dating in a small town is not as awkward as you may think, but one thing’s for sure: You will see someone you know, like a friend’s ex-husband or a student’s dad. “You look really familiar, how do I know you?” Three minutes of chit-chat later and turns out he was my neighbour from down the road. How convenient. Unfortunately, he was also my parents’ age.

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, speed dating is pretty simple. It’s a meet and greet event for singles - they try to have equal numbers of men and women in set age groups. I was in the 31-40 bunch. Yay for me. Each ‘date’ lasts between 3-5 minutes, you do your best to ask them slightly more meaningful questions beyond their favourite fruit, and if you’re lucky, maybe spark a connection. When time’s up you decide if you want to see them again or do like Beyonce…you know, to the left, to the left.

The rules are simple - if you both say ‘yes’ to seeing each other again, the event organiser (aka Cupid) will email you their contact details and it’s up to the two of you to take the next step. Of course you’re allowed to change your mind and under no obligation to go on an actual date.

For me, I always hope that I would do things better the second time around given the chance. I know I’ve done the inner work, and know what I want in my life. Going into my second speed dating event, I wasn’t nervous. It was a Tuesday night and I came straight from dance training.
I had about 15 minutes to make myself half decent in the studio toilets, then drive in, and pretty much spent about the same amount of time in the car park watching groups of people turn up with their friends. Why didn’t I think of that? There were more women than men. I watched them walk in giggling, some looking around nervously, then all would end up at the bar for some liquid courage.

As I stood in line waiting to register, there was a strong smell of cigarettes. Ugh.

I learned later that there weren’t enough ‘daters’ in each age group, so we were in one big group. There were 15 men to 24 women, from early twenties to over 65s. My parents are both 67 this year, so it was fascinating to talk to men who could potentially be friends with them and I could be the same age as their kids. ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ Would take on a slightly awkward meaning at family get-togethers.

There wasn’t a magical connection that night, no longing stares across the table, but there were plenty of laughs! Like the moment I realised a guy I was talking to was actually a friend’s ex-husband. In my defence, I didn’t see him that often when they were married. We had a good laugh about it, then spent the remaining minute of our ‘date’ talking about my trip to Perú.

I recently went back to the Whirinaki Forest with a friend - it was his first time there, so we did a track I had walked two years earlier. I love the thought of a place existing before I was born, and live on long after I’m gone. Whatungarongaro te tangata, toitū te whenua. / The people fade from view but the land remains.’ Physically, not much had changed. I was still short, and the trees were giant. But the space in between, that’s where the transformation happens. We change and evolve every day, sometimes it’s so small it seems invisible, but it’s there.

Speed dating is about seizing the moment - for three minutes choosing to have fun, flirt and maybe, you might just meet someone you click with. You could meet a forever lover, or make a really cool friend. Or you could meet one of your neighbours. The potential is endless!

xo Ronna Grace

fivefootronna is Ronna Grace Funtelar - a thirtyish adventurer, sometimes poet and lover of cheese. She has a unique brand of optimism that is a combination of her great enthusiasm for life and cups of coffee during the day.