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Running my own race

I watched the fingers uncurl on my left hand as I counted how many months I’ve been back in New Zealand. Five, I’ve been back five months. Each time I click on my Facebook memories, there’s a photo or a post that reminds me of a year of travel, adventures, friendships...and of course, life. A year of embracing adventure that not only filled my hard drive with gigabytes worth of memories, but also taught me that seeking adventure is as much about our relationship with ourselves as it is to embrace what happens to us externally.

Three weekends ago, I ran in my first race as an adult. I entered the We Run The Night running festival in Mount Maunganui, choosing the 14km run. How does it feel to get into running as an almost 37-year-old? Bloody tough I tell ya’!

I had less than two months to train, although I was quietly confident that I would definitely finish, I also didn’t know how well I would control those race day jitters. My biggest goal was to be able to run the full 14km, which I did, yay! The second was to finish in less than two hours, and I came in at 1:41:29. Want to know the best part? We stayed until 11:30pm for the prize giving and the major spot prize, which included entry to We Run The Forest in Rotorua, accommodation, as well as two return flights to Rotorua from anywhere in New Zealand. We had a good laugh about it since Rotorua is an hour’s drive from Whakatāne where I live. Maybe they can fly me back from the South Island?

As I stepped up to the starting line, I suddenly felt a wave of calm come over me. I made sure to run at the pace I set at training. If you know me well enough then you’ll know that I’m super competitive, and it was hard not to react as runners passed me. Instead of feeling triggered, I reminded myself that this was my race alone, and achieving my goals weren’t dependent on other people. So, I kept at my pace and ran my race. I came in at 176/289. I even had enough energy to pick up my pace in the end so I was pretty stoked.

The middle

There’s a saying that your energy will attract two kinds of people - those who are drawn to you because they are on the same vibe, or they need healing and come to you for help. When you’ve walked through the darkest parts of yourself, you will learn to quickly identify those who are going through it themselves. As much as I want to help others, I also learned to help myself too. That my physical, mental and emotional well-being takes priority - it took me a long time to accept that looking after me isn’t selfish.

I’ve done a lot of self reflection lately, and got real about my inner circle relationships. I took a step back and worked hard to see situations from their perspective. It was often triggering, emotionally draining and damn frustrating. I had to learn to change the way I reacted to recurring situations, forced myself to find words to talk about how I felt (especially when I spent years denying those emotions). Some triggers even stemmed from childhood. As much as I thought I had let go of so much already, these last few weeks showed me that I was still holding on to so much.

That’s why I said yes to being one of the four speakers at this year’s Inspiring Women event
in Whakatāne. I want to be ok with being me, and I’m getting there. What I learned in my evolution is that our lives may swing from the extreme ends of the pendulum, but for the most part, our happiness lies somewhere in the middle. Over the years, my writing has shared my extremes: From the lowest when my marriage ended, to the highs of living in a foreign country, climbing mountains, rock climbing and embracing Peruvian culture. Now, I want to embrace the middle.

They say that old dogs can’t learn new tricks, but I am an eternal optimist and pretty stubborn, so we’ll see how that works out for me. Learn to be more patient instead of trying to force things, because what’s meant for me is already mine. Here’s to the middle, not too much, not too little, but like me, it’s enough.

xo Ronna Grace

fivefootronna is Ronna Grace Funtelar - a thirtyish adventurer, graphic designer and writer.
A woman with a curious mind who lives for hiking mountains, outdoor adventures and eating pizza. She has a unique brand of optimism that is a combination of her great enthusiasm for life and cups of coffee during the day.